Retired man feels forced to leave his house


Dear Amy: I wonder if my expectations are too high, or if my wife is controlling me?

I do not feel welcome in my own house.

Every week my wife asks me for my schedule (I am retired) for the coming week to make sure that I am out of the house for the better portion of several days.

Fortunately, I have elderly and disabled family members to care for, volunteer work and friends so I can usually find a reason to be gone, but some days I just leave the house to make her happy.

For those days or parts of days when I am home, my wife wants me to agree to the specific time I will be leaving and returning.

My wife does not work, have family nearby, or volunteer.

In her defense she does not drink, take drugs or spend money excessively and I am quite sure my being gone is not so she can arrange a tryst with another man (although we have not been physically intimate for over 12 years).

Perhaps 50 times I have suggested that we should see a marriage therapist for this and other reasons, but she refuses.

My impression is that this is my wife needing to exercise control, but perhaps this is normal in marriage, and I am too sensitive.

How do I get her to join me in marriage counseling when she refuses to go?

I do not want to live the rest of my life like this.


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