Prospective groomsman taken by surprise


Dear Amy: My wife’s sister “Georgia” and her fiancé “Jon” are getting married in March.

As the wedding is getting closer, their Save the Date cards were sent out with a wedding website listed on the card.

As my wife and I were looking through the website, I was taken aback by seeing my name listed as a groomsman. I have yet to be asked by the groom or bride to be part of their day.

I feel like I should not have to reach out to them, but now I also feel obligated to be part of their day.

Am I being petty?

— The Petty Groomsman

Dear Groomsman: Your internal reaction to this surprise doesn’t seem petty (to me), but even if your reaction is actually and objectively petty — so what?

I give you official permission to have a full-on petty-party. I’ll bring the cupcakes.

Once you’re done, I suggest that you react to this frankly and with good humor.

If you don’t want to assume this honor/obligation, you should definitely let the couple know — sooner rather than later.

If you are on the fence about this, contact both of them (via email, phone, or text) to say, “I hope your wedding planning is going well. Marcia and I were looking at your website and I was so surprised to be listed as a groomsman! I assume this was an oversight, but I think you forgot to ask me to be part of the wedding party. I’m completely in the dark about this, so please do fill me in.”


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