Marrying woman worries about who will pay


Dear Amy: Recently my partner and I got engaged. (We’re both women.)

My parents won’t attend our wedding for religious reasons.

If it was just us paying for the wedding, we’d be going to city hall and a bar afterward with friends. (I am a full-time grad student.)

My partner’s parents are willing to foot the bill. They’ve been supportive of our relationship and my career, treat me like family, and are financially able.

I’m wondering who I can/should invite?

I have a large out-of-town family who, unlike my parents, are supportive.

I’m self-conscious about putting people on my in-laws’ tab, while my parents are not participating.

I want to express gratitude for their generosity, but expressing any preferences in planning feels bratty.

I know I’m running the risk of looking disinterested or ungrateful.

I’d rather avoid it all, but don’t want my partner or her family to suffer from my parents’ absence and their refusal to contribute.

Can you offer some direction?


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