Introverted person worried about friendships


Dear Amy: I have never had a ton of friends. As something of an introvert, I value quality over quantity.

I have never had a tight “group” of girlfriends — just individuals, with some overlap with people who know each other.

As we’ve gotten older, and especially during and since the pandemic, I don’t see or speak to my friends as frequently as I used to.

Some have gotten busier with work and hobbies, and some are still reluctant to resume pre-COVID activities.

All of my friends seem to have friends they are closer to than they are to me, so they don’t seem to “need” me as much as I need them.

I have tried meeting new people at activities I participate in, but it’s hard to get past the friendly acquaintance stage.

We are all in our 50s, so I feel I should be past this. How do I make new, genuine, friends at this age and/or strengthen the friendships I have?

— J

Dear J: It would help if you could recognize that longstanding, deep and intimate friendships are a fairly rare treasure.

Even people you might believe are social butterflies likely have only one or two people they feel truly intimately connected to.

Your statement reveals an assumption that “all” of your friends have friends they are closer to than they are to you.


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