Husband’s unfaithful; now he’s grounded forever


Dear Amy: Almost 10 years ago my wife discovered that I had been cheating on her, emotionally and physically, and that I had a porn addiction I couldn’t control.

We separated for a year but eventually ended up back together.

Years of therapy and support groups helped me to become the man I really want to be. And accountability, both digital and in the real world, help my wife to see that I remain faithful and dedicated.

Alas, at the age of 40, I feel that I spent most of my 30s living like a grounded teenager.

I have freedom working for myself, but I’m not really allowed to use it.

All I really want to do is surf and spend time in the ocean, but my wife is convinced this will somehow lead to me cheating on her.

Despite the fact that she can see my location at all times, and has full access to all my devices and every inch of my life, I think she has some trauma that therapy didn’t really heal.

Any anger I have will always be outweighed by a greater anger that she can generate.

I don’t want to be ignorant of her needs but I’m slipping into deeper depression. I told myself I wouldn’t live like this in my 40s.

My wife seems to have no intention of loosening her grip on my life. It is destroying my well-being.

I’m essentially the sole breadwinner, and I live today as a dedicated husband and partner. I’ve submitted to her every need for accountability.


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