Helpful grandma doesn’t want to compete for attention


Dear Amy: My daughter and son-in-law recently welcomed our first grandchild. Both the other grandma and I have shared part-time babysitting to help the parents with their work schedules.

We have also helped on weekends when they have social obligations, etc.

Recently, it feels as if we are being pitted against the other grandparents as to how much we are doing for them and vice versa.

This makes me uncomfortable — like I’m being pushed into a corner.

I raised my children with very little help, as we frequently moved for my husband’s job. The in-law family has roots in the area and many extended family members.

It suddenly feels like we “don’t love them” as much as the other side of the family does.

My husband is still working and I am caring for an adult child with special needs. We are not getting any younger and I don’t want to participate in this kind of dynamic.

What else can I say and do to assert myself in a kind way?

I would do anything for my grandchild and feel we are extremely generous with our time and gifts.

We are definitely the second choice when it comes to holidays, birthdays and special occasions. It feels like a no-win, and the resentment only grows.

— Already Weary


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