Grateful future mom worries about baby shower – The Denver Post


Dear Amy: After many years, and with the help of prayers and science, I am pregnant and — along with my family and friends — looking forward to a celebratory baby shower.

My issue is whether I must invite a narcissistic sister-in-law (my brother’s wife), or if it is appropriate to only invite her daughters, ages 10 and 14.

Over the years my relationship with my SIL has deteriorated to the point that she refuses to speak to me, and we have to have separate family holidays.

I would never invite this person to any event, but her daughters and I maintain a loving relationship.

From your perspective, is it appropriate to address the invitation to my nieces alone? I would really miss their presence, but cannot stand the thought of their mother attending this special day.

— Finally Expecting

Dear Expecting: From my perspective, it is not appropriate to invite your nieces to your baby shower without also inviting their mother — but I am not living in your family and lack specific insight. (Your brother might offer you a firm suggestion.)

Understand that if you invited your nieces (and not their mother), there is a high likelihood that their mother would not let them attend without her. Additionally, you doing so would likely hand your sister-in-law more “evidence” of whatever crimes against the family she believes you have already committed.

I’m only suggesting that you be prepared for fallout, no matter what course you take.

Narcissists have a grandiose notion that the world revolves around them, so your sister-in-law would interpret any action of yours only in relation to her.

I’m accepting your assumption that things are so bad between you two adults that you consider them intolerable, but understand that as you move forward — now with a child of your own — this practice of celebrating separate holidays, etc., will become even more complicated. Some families do manage to engage in parallel relationships where individuals can gather as part of a group without interacting personally, but if you can’t do this, then continue to do your best to have an ongoing healthy and unfettered relationship with your nieces.


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