Friends want to limit contact due to drinking


Dear Amy: A dear friend has a husband who is an alcoholic. During any kind of get together he is loud, belligerent and on occasion becomes incapacitated and has to be carried out.

Before my friend and her husband moved six hours away, our group of about 20 could tolerate him because they would get in the car (she would drive) and go home.

Now they visit frequently and expect to stay with us and for us to host gatherings.

My husband and I have reached the end of our patience and want to limit our contact with him, which means they would stay one night instead of five.

My friend would be crushed to learn how we feel. Our relationship would be over. I would also be crushed to lose her as a friend.

I feel very guilty because I’m always coming up with excuses and lies as to why we can’t stay longer when they visit.

Her husband has ruined many of her past friendships due to his drinking and I don’t want our friendship to be another casualty. Can you think of a way for us to be honest and still retain this friendship?

— Friendship Dilemma

Dear Dilemma: Your friend’s husband has an addiction disorder that, according to you, often has an extreme impact on him, and everyone in his circle.

You are all protecting his addiction and its consequences by pretending that it doesn’t exist.

If your friend wants to visit town frequently, it might be best for her to establish a relationship with a short-term rental where she and her husband can stay comfortably and have some privacy, and spend time with you and other friends without overstaying their welcome.


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