Family reunification has a downside


Dear Amy: I am 65 years old. Three years ago, I was fortunate to locate my birth family through a DNA search.

To my surprise, my birth mother was still alive and in good health. When we first spoke, she said, “I’ve been waiting for this call for 60 years.”

They live about 1,200 miles away, and I made a visit shortly after we first connected.

It was a mostly positive experience, and I am especially fond of my brother and his wife.

There are other siblings who have decided not to be in touch, which is fine.

We continue to talk by phone, but when I speak with any of these family members, they always pressure me to make a return visit.

When I talk to my mother, she makes remarks like, “I thought you forgot about me,” or, “Why haven’t I heard from you?”

For her, it’s as if the past 60-odd years never happened.

She never asks anything about my life growing up or about my (wonderful) parents, who have both passed away.

I want to see these family members, but for my own emotional sanity I want only a brief visit.

When I arranged a hotel room for my first visit, my mother nearly flipped out and I had to cancel the room and agree to stay at her house.


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