Difficult divorce leads to rude ghosting


Dear Amy: My ex-husband and I had a difficult, drawn-out divorce after 26 years of marriage, with eight years of unhappiness and zero sex (and no — the lack of sex and fighting over money were due to HIM, not me).

After the divorce I moved back to the Midwest, moved in with my dear parents, struggled to restart my career, and have moved on with healthy activities and friendships/relationships over the last decade.

Our children are all adults now and the ex and I are brought together more often due to births, weddings, etc., but he continues to totally “ghost” me. He never greets me, never directs a word toward me or even looks at me.

My friends and daughter tell me, “Just ignore him. He wants nothing to do with you.”

This is still hurtful to me after all this time.

I still send him birthday cards, emails and notes once in a while.

How do you recommend I deal with this?

— Exed-Out

Dear Exed-Out: Ghosting is when someone basically ceases all contact.

If you didn’t reach out to your ex with birthday cards and other messages, you wouldn’t feel quite so “ghosted,” because every time you reach out, you’re triggering an expectation that your contact will inspire your ex to react or respond. You need to stop.

Yes, it is extremely rude for him to be in your presence at a family event and to act as if you don’t exist, but he doesn’t want to have anything to do with you, and he is trying mightily not to have anything to do with you.


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