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In search of a little comic relief, the Broncos should sign 72-year-old Bill Murray to play quarterback. He’s as mobile as Russell Wilson and knows the game plan, which never changes. Every script written by coach Nathaniel Hackett is “Groundhog Day.”
“I know it’s kind of a broken record,” Hackett said Sunday after the Broncos lost 16-9 to the New York Jets.
Stop me if you’ve already seen this movie.
The mighty, mighty Denver defense was a brick house. The offense, with backup quarterback Brett Rypien playing the role of DisateRuss, blared “I Got You Babe” by Sonny and Cher on a continuous loop.
“Everybody is sick of having this feeling,” said receiver Courtland Sutton, who failed to make a play in the end zone on a fourth-down pass that could’ve allowed the Broncos to tie the score late in the fourth quarter. “The defense is playing their butts off. It’s on us … as an offense to figure out a way to gel with them so it becomes a 50/50 team effort.”
Through seven games, the Broncos have scored eight touchdowns. I’m so old I remember when Peyton Manning threw seven TD passes in four quarters.
Denver is averaging 14.3 points per game. Hackett is the architect of the most anemic scoring Broncos offense since 1966, when the team’s primary quarterback was the immortal Max Choboian, God rest his soul.
This loss to the Jets? Deja boo all over again.
Even after Sutton failed to beat Jets cornerback Sauce Gardner in the end zone, Pat Surtain II and the Denver defense made one more stop that forced New York to punt for the eighth time of the afternoon.
But at that point, the stadium D.J. should’ve cranked up “I Got You Babe,” because everybody left in Empower Field at Mile High knew what was going to happen next.
As Rypien and the offense trotted out on the field with 90 seconds remaining, needing to go 80 yards for a TD, more than 50,000 die-hard Broncomaniacs had already headed for the exits, walking out on this hot orange-and-blue mess.
After the coach of a 2-5 team stepped to the podium for his postgame news conference, Hackett confessed: “I’m sick of being up here saying the same things over and over again.”
Hey, don’t sweat it, Coach Huggy Bear. It will be over before you know it. I got a pink slip for you, babe.
What must the crazy-rich Waltons be thinking? Yes, these inflationary times have you and me experiencing sticker shock every time we buy groceries. Rob Walton and the new ownership team, however, just paid $4.65 billion for one big, fat lemon.
We ain’t crazy rich. But we all can relate to that sour taste.
“Frustration. Disappointment. Anger. Sadness. All of the above,” said Sutton, who walked across the locker room and gave linebacker Bradley Chubb a hug that felt like an apology before the veteran receiver headed out the door.
The NFL trade deadline is Nov. 1. The pressure is on general manager George Paton, who mortgaged the future to trade for Wilson and then gave him a $245 million deal before the veteran QB played a game for Denver, to make something happen. At the very least, Paton needs to restock the cupboard, which is bare of draft picks.
As tempting as it might be to trade Chubb, that bold move might cause the players in the Denver locker room to make the business decision to put self-interest ahead of a last-place team.
So it says here the smarter choice would be to retain Chubb and slap the franchise tag on him at the conclusion of this sad season. But it’s definitely worth exploring the trade value of Jerry Jeudy, whose seven catches against the Jets reminded us of the potential that made him a first-round draft choice. Heck, I would also test the market for Sutton, who never will be a truly legit No. 1 receiver, but might lend a hand to quarterback Matthew Stafford and the Los Angeles Rams.
Playoffs? The only thing happening in Denver is a fire sale.
“It’s hard, but nobody cares at the end of the day … There are no ‘poor me’s’ … There are no pity parties,” Broncos safety Justin Simmons said.
On a windy October afternoon when the Super Bowl champs of the 1990s were celebrated at halftime, it might’ve been wise to invite Mike Shanahan to stay on the field and call offensive plays during the second half.
Let Russ cook when he returns from a hamstring injury? We don’t give a “Ryp.” No matter who plays quarterback, the current coach of the Broncos can’t hack it.
The team has picked an ideal time to leave the country. The Broncos are taking off to jolly old England in search of help from Harry Potter.
“We need something, so hopefully London will be the magic trick to helping us turn the season around,” Denver linebacker Jonas Griffith said.
Methinks those soccer-loving fans in London will absolutely love these Broncos. There won’t be much scoring to distract from all that singing and drinking at Wembley Stadium.
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