Ask Amy: Polyamorous throuple ponders post-pandemic


Dear Amy: I’m almost 50. I’ve been with my husband for 20 years.

We are stable and very much in love. We have chosen to be polyamorous for the past five years.

We didn’t tell my parents (and definitely not the in-laws!), but one Thanksgiving just before the pandemic I was going to have my partner of one year with me (“Steve”), and so I told my parents.

Mom hasn’t taken it well. Steve and I have been together for three years now. He feels as permanent to me as my husband does. (By the way, Steve has no family himself to visit on the holidays.)

The pandemic solved the “holiday dilemma” for a couple of years, but that won’t fly this year.

Mom refuses to accept Steve.

I refuse to leave him alone on a major holiday.

I’ve invited them to our home for Thanksgiving this year (where I get to decide who sits at the table), but what about Christmas? That’s Mom’s favorite holiday and she loves to decorate and host. I don’t really do any of that.

How do I handle this? We’re not making out in front of her (we don’t even hold hands or flirt). We’re just existing, but she refuses to have him in her home.

I’ve thought about staying at Mom’s while my husband and partner get a hotel room nearby. Hubs doesn’t like staying at my parents and would jump at the chance, but Mom’s feelings would be hurt and at the end of the day Steve would still be alone while we’re at my mom’s.

I want to spend the holidays with my mom. She may not have many of them left, but I don’t want to leave someone I love alone on the holiday.


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