Adolescent’s gender identification causes confusion


Dear Amy: My 12-year-old granddaughter, “Casey,” often stays with me during weekends. Casey has a friend from school who she has visited several times. She has had a sleepover at that friend’s house — with her mom’s permission.

I met the friend’s mother briefly; I’ve only seen the friend from a distance.

My granddaughter led me to understand that her friend is a girl.

It seems now that although this friend was born female, she wants to transition to male, but is also gay, in that the friend wants to be a boy who is attracted to other boys. I am not comfortable with her having a sleepover with a boy.

Beyond that, I believe that 12 is too young to make decisions about sexuality.

My granddaughter is a handful — and that’s putting it mildly.

She lies routinely and is completely untrustworthy, so any information coming from her has to be taken with a grain of salt.

I don’t want to offend her friend or the friend’s parents, or have them think we would stop my granddaughter from going there simply because their child has a complicated sexual identity.

Today, for instance, I said that she could visit Casey at Casey’s house. She started blowing up my phone — and her mother’s phone — demanding to spend the night.

I’m at a loss about how to handle this.

— Exhausted Grandma


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